Manuel Pellegrini - Photo Universidad Catolica de Chile CCA

It’s been a few months since Real Madrid had a change of manager, so despite a league season to date which has seen just 2 draws and 3 defeats (and a goal difference of +52) it’s open season for which manager might next be in the frame. And at times like these we just have to be grateful for Ian McGarry, who can give us the self-styled ‘Inside View’ in the pages of the Sun:

Why Rafa is the Real deal

ACCORDING to Chaos Theory, when a butterfly flaps its wings on the east coast of Canada there will be a monsoon in the south Pacific.

Hang on, McGarry - that’s a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of Chaos Theory, isn’t it? “When x there will be y”? We did a little butterfly research (hey, at least we did) and it turns out that in the US and Canada there are 725 species of butterfly. Furthermore, a butterfly flaps its wings approximately 100 times a minute. That would indeed be chaos, but fortunately McGarry is a journalist rather than a scientist.

Or is he? He segues into his story as follows, and there are a few questions that spring to the mind of the casual reader:

It’s one way science tries to make sense of nature but, thankfully, football is not as difficult to explain.

For example, when one particular club suffers a disastrous result then it generally has consequences for everyone else.

Before we go on, it sounds as if he’s actually talking about Domino Theory, by the way.

The next day Real’s sport director, Jorge Valdano, made the comment which everyone knows means the opposite.

He said: “The coach has a contract for next season and that’s still our plan.”

It’s not exactly a fact though, is it? It’s a supposition, based on the fact that Real Madrid have had 24 managers in the last 24 years. A change is likely purely on precedent - citing Valdano’s quote that Pellegrini will stay as evidence he will go remains a bit of a stretch.

Valdano has already gone into the best contacts book in the game and made some calls.

And the first number he dialled was Arsene Wenger - the Arsenal boss has turned down the chance to manage Real twice before.

The Frenchman decided he would not desert his young team.

Valdano accepted the rebuff but told Wenger the doors of the Santiago Bernabeu were always open to him.

Wenger was reminded of that when Valdano rang him last week but he politely told the Real supremo he still has two trophies to compete for at Arsenal this season.

Wait, Ian - are you saying this literally happened? This is very specific.

The football philosophy preached by Wenger is what Perez wants.

But as long as the megalomaniac president insists on buying the players he wants and then making ’suggestions’ on team selection, Wenger will never consider coaching Real.

In other words, Perez doesn’t want the Wenger model. Perez wants a side who play like Barcelona and who buy players like, well, Real Madrid. Wenger may believe in flowing football, but not without foundations in the club ethos of continuity and youth talent. But why let that interrupt this vivid depiction of exactly what happened?

Next to get the call was Jorge Mendes - Jose Mourinho’s agent, a man who has a very close relationship with Valdano and Perez through his other star client Cristiano Ronaldo.

The Special One will leave Inter Milan at the end of the season. Would he want to go to Real? Of course, but Mendes is also talking to Manchester City and Liverpool about their plans for next season.

Mourinho would only deign to manage at one of the two ’super’ clubs in Spain. And as he is hated in Barcelona, Real is his only option. Whether he would take the job is another matter.

Having the last say in everything to do with transfers and football matters at City or Liverpool would be a more attractive option.

You know, it really does sound like this literally is supposed to have happened.

Covering all bases, Valdano’s third call was to Rafa Benitez.

The Spaniard’s attitude toward his current Anfield job has shifted lately.

Poor results, a flagging dressing room plus the constant soap opera in the boardroom has left him wondering if he’d be better off elsewhere.

The Bernabeu is his spiritual home and the chance to be top man there may have come at the right time.

Of the three candidates, he is most familiar with the way the Madrid club is run and Perez’s methods.

Rafa for Real? Don’t bet against it or the chaos that afflicts everyone when they change manager.

And so endeth the lesson. Just a footnote of our own to add - the fourth call that Jorge Valdano made, which was, of course, to Ian McGarry:

Jorge: “Ian, it’s Jorge.”

Ian: “Jorge who?”

Jorge: “Valdano, Real Madrid. Just got off the phone to Arsene, Jose and Rafa and thought I should keep you in the loop…”

Ian: “Really? Why me?”

Jorge: “Because you write the Inside View for the most credible newspaper in the world for football stories so thought you should be first to know.”

]]> http://www.sportwithoutspin.com/2010/03/23/chaos-theory-explains-monsoon-of-real-fiction/feed/ http://www.sportwithoutspin.com/2010/03/23/hip-hop-and-football-rumour-merging-week/ http://www.sportwithoutspin.com/2010/03/23/hip-hop-and-football-rumour-merging-week/#comments Tue, 23 Mar 2010 09:19:50 +0000 Sport without Spin http://www.sportwithoutspin.com/?p=3542

Jay-Z - Photo Alex Johnson CCA

Well done to everyone with any involvement in the stories of hip-hop artists investing in London football clubs. P-Diddy getting stuck in at Crystal Palace? It would be weird if he didn’t want to. And then, because one spurious story on its own wouldn’t have been enough, the Mirror follow it up with a story about Jay-Z and Arsenal.

Jay-Z ‘to invest in Arsenal’

Jay-Z, born Shawn Carter, said: “I don’t know a lot about the business of soccer, but in the future if the right opportunity presented itself, then who knows? I am a businessman, and I will always look at an opportunity, and if it feels right great.”

Did you notice the difference in his quoted words between “I’m going to invest in Arsenal” and “I’m not saying I’ll never invest in Arsenal”? You did? You’ve done much better than the Mirror journalist in question.

The 10-time Grammy winner, whose other business interests include clothing line Rocawear, said he started following Arsenal “when Thierry Henry was at the club. I just thought he was an amazing player. Ever since then I have been a big fan of the club and still today you play the beautiful football that Thierry did. I think he had a real long term-effect on the team.

Unlucky Arsene – Jay-Z neither recognises nor cares for your work.

And now that the spurious evidence for the article has been quoted, let’s get down to the serious business of doing some terrible puns about Arsenal using Jay-Z songs?

Jay-Z’s revelation that he is a Gooner will inevitably lead to speculation that his single Hard Knock Life predicted the horror injuries suffered by Abou Diaby, Eduardo and Aaron Ramsey.

No it won’t.

And in honour of the Emirates’ pristine playing surface, he could remake one of his biggest hits as 99 Problems (But A Pitch Ain’t One).

If you have time to do puns as poor and irrelevant as that at the end of an article, it means you probably don’t have enough substance and facts to do the piece in the first place. Handy journalism tip #47.

Photo Simon Scott CCANC

One of the major talking points of the weekend was the horrible injury sustained by Aaron Ramsey, whose season has been ended after a tackle from Ryan Shawcross during Arsenal’s game with Stoke on the weekend. Wenger didn’t much care for the inevitable defences of Shawcross that followed in the immediate aftermath - not that they were necessarily misplaced, but that with another nasty injury to his players on his hands he could well cope without the platitudes. Stan Collymore, implausibly, was incensed by this - so much so that he had no time to do any research or stop to consider whether he was merely writing a spooge of incendiary drivel. In it went to the Mirror, who published the following:

My thoughts go out to Aaron Ramsey, but Wenger’s reaction was over the top

My thoughts are with Aaron Ramsey but Arsene Wenger’s bitter reaction to his injury makes me question how suited Arsenal’s boss is to English football.

Ha! Three Premier League titles, four FA Cups. Yes, Arsene Wenger and English football is one the sport’s stranger mismatches.

The gifted Welsh international faces a long period on the sidelines following his broken leg in a horror injury at Stoke.

And it is always sad to hear about talented young players receiving such a setback in their career.

I have my fingers crossed for him that he will come back stronger in future following the incident with Ryan Shawcross.

That’s the sympathy done. Let’s hear the rant.

But if Wenger, or any Arsenal fans, think there is a connection between Abou Diaby, Eduardo and now Ramsey all getting seriously injured, they are deluded.

And I think Wenger was completely out of order with his post-match comments about Shawcross.

Three separate incidents over the course of five years, definitely. But to dismiss the link as delusional is not right. There may be no link. But Martin Samuels puts forward a very decent argument to the contrary in the Daily Mail - there’s no dismissing out of hand the theory, regularly articulated in football discussion, that Arsenal don’t like the physical confrontation, and that subsequently players go into the challenge that little bit harder than they otherwise might. No proving it, either, mind - but no dismissing it.

Despite the belief that Wenger is the professor, he has a real bitter and nasty streak.

Professors cannot be both studious and bitter and nasty, of course. Is it possible that Stan doesn’t know what a professor is? Besides, when you tot up the evidence, you can see where Wenger is coming from on this one. Firstly, Ramsey has had his leg snapped by a rash challenge. Secondly, Shawcross injured Adebayor (when still at Arsenal) last year - maybe Arsene remembered that. And Shawcross has broken a leg before - Francis Jeffers’ in 2007 (again through mistiming rather than intent to hurt). Wenger is probably entitled not to sing Shawcross’ praises.

It is blatantly obvious the Frenchman  wants to buck the trend and traditions of English football.

But if he doesn’t like English working conditions, whereby players are physical and try to win the ball, then maybe he should disappear to La Liga or Serie A.

International football stereotype alert! Would that be La Liga or Serie A where no nasty tackles ever occur? Still, them’s forrins.

These injuries simply can happen to anyone and are purely bad luck.

When I played for Leicester I remember running along innocuously before feeling a pain in my foot.

I looked down and my toes were pointing back towards my heel.

Read this five times. It’s not really the same, is it?

I don’t think Arsenal deserve to win the Premier League but the shortcomings of their rival teams could let them in the back door.

I have seen Arsenal many times this season and don’t believe they have all the attributes to win the league.

But due to the inconsistency of other top teams, the Gunners could win the biggest prize of all.

I never thought I would say it this season, but it is a reality now.

Measurable ways that football teams ‘deserve’ to win the Premier League title:

1. Scoring more points than any of your rivals, or, failing that, the same number and scoring more goals/having a better goal difference/whatever the relevant criteria are.

2. There is no 2.

So if Arsenal overcome the three point lead Chelsea hold over them, then they’ll deserve to win the title. But that’s logic. And logic won’t keep your Mirror column fresh.

Ferguson and Wenger sent their midfielders in to grapple for Smalling - Photo Gordon Flood CCA

Manchester United have apparently made a foray into the transfer market this January and the deal sounds quite final, given that they’re not afraid to announce it on their official website. But ever since United stopped being a PLC and started being some strange Glazer bank they’ve no longer had to declare exactly what they spend on such deals. Fortunately, that’s where we have the press to help us out. Here are your answers:

Mirror: Manchester United claimed to have signed 20-year-old Chris Smalling from Fulham last night in a deal worth £4million.

Guardian: Manchester United have agreed a deal to sign Fulham’s highly rated centre-back Chris Smalling. The England Under-21 international, who has made just nine first-team appearances for the Cottagers, is thought to be valued at £7m.

Telegraph: Manchester United have paved the way for Real Madrid to complete a £20 million summer move for Nemanja Vidic by agreeing a £7 million deal, which could rise to £10 million, to sign Fulham defender Chris Smalling.

Independent: Manchester United yesterday claimed they had beaten Arsenal to the £8m signature of Chris Smalling, the Fulham defender who has enjoyed a meteoric rise from non-League football to the Premier League champions in the space of two years.

The Times: Nemanja Vidic moved closer to the exit door at Old Trafford yesterday after Manchester United agreed the £12 million signing of Chris Smalling, the England Under-21 defender, from Fulham for the start of next season.

So clear as day, then. And if we might throw in a joker? Or not us, rather, but the Mirror:

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger’s bid has also been accepted by the Cottagers though and he believes he can beat off his rivals, just as he did when signing Aaron Ramsey after United’s website announced the Welshman had joined them.

Wenger said: “As long as the player has not signed anywhere it is not the end of it. Let’s see what happens there.

“We will not come out on what we are doing exactly but as you say it has come out on television but that doesn’t mean it is true. I am sorry for the TV channel. So let’s see.”

In short? Smalling may have signed for United, but he may not have done, and it has cost somewhere between £4m and £12m, if indeed it has happened.

Arsene Wenger’s outburst is no big deal

In the eyes of some people, it was like discovering your maiden aunt was a coke-dealing street walker. Really ? Get a life.

If journalists used every expletive that came from the mouths of managers at pre-match or post-match briefings, the papers would full of asterisks or several blank spaces to replace letters.

Editions in the North West and North London would be particularly affected. What makes Wenger different is that he could have cursed in five different languages.

Good call. It focuses more on the swearing than the content, but he’s certainly right about it - it’s not earth-shattering stuff, and it’s refreshing to see such an opinion in a tabloid newspaper. Only trouble is the links at the top and bottom of the article. At the top:

Uproar across the nation - Arsene Wenger swore at a press conference.

Which links to the following article which appeared… yes, you’re ahead of us:

Arsene Wenger: F*** the World Cup, my players should only care about Arsenal

Arsene Wenger has launched an astonishing four-letter blast at his Arsenal players and warned them to forget about next summer’s World Cup.

Yes, hardly what he said, but that’s hardly important. And at the bottom of the article?

10@10: Arsene Wenger, Alex Fergsuon, Joe Kinnear and the top 10 foul-mouthed football boss outbursts - WARNING contains very bad language!

An article which opens with the following lines:

Arsene Wenger: intelligent, urbane, successful, and now we know he has a potty mouth that would shame a docker.

So Steve, you must love working at the Mirror then, what with its measured reaction to stories?

Arsene Wenger - Photo Paul Blank CCA

The Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has found himself in the back pages of a number of newspapers this morning. Apparently the problems began at a press conference, according to the Sun, in which he was asked about Theo Walcott and his prospects for the World Cup:

Wenger blasted: “For f***’s sake the World Cup is in June. Is he on holiday until June 11?”

“You cannot be serious. For me, the big season is with Arsenal, not at the World Cup.

“We do not pay players to go to the World Cup, we pay the players to do well for Arsenal.

“The first pride of a man is to do well for the guy who pays you in life, not to go to the World Cup.”

Perhaps it is the swearing that sets this particular rant apart - some papers such as the Guardian saw fit to include it as part of the quotes, some left it out. But what is interesting is that the Sun imply this is a cold warning to Walcott:

Arsene F Word Theo Rant

ARSENE WENGER last night launched an incredible F-word rant over Theo Walcott’s World Cup chances.

The normally cool Arsenal boss went wild after he was asked whether the winger should be part of Fabio Capello’s England plans next summer.

Of course, as you’ll notice above, Walcott isn’t expressly the target here, although his name is the trigger for Wenger’s coments. Evidently the point is that in Arsene’s mind it is club first, country second. For a club manager, that’s perhaps not much of a shock.

Forget the ‘rant’ and ‘blasted’ aspects of this, though, because the words are hardly anything more than frank. And what is really to disagree with in his assessment of things? The World Cup is more than 6 months away - and Walcott has started a single game of football for Arsenal this season. The press conference comes on the eve of a Champions League match in which Arsenal need a point to ensure they reach the last 16. In the meantime there is no international football on the calendar for the best part of three months. Set against that context, it’s hardly surprising that Wenger finds such a question so insipid and irrelevant.

Later the quotes turn to the theory that players who have a good season are likely to turn up better prepared for the World Cup. He cites his only two World Cup winners, Emmanuel Petit and Patrick Vieira, as evidence of this - they won the double in 1998, then won the World Cup. It’s again fairly sound reasoning. An example even closer to home might have been Theo Walcott, who had yet to make any impression for Arsenal by the time Sven took him to the 2006 World Cup, where surprisingly he made no impression whatsoever.

Yes, it’s perhaps a bit predictable that the papers would feast on Wenger’s comments, but if there’s something controversial about a club manager talking about a player at his club needing to think of his club first before his club play an important club game, then we’ve missed it. It’s a fairly sensible set of priorities. Hard to imagine, then, how the Sun managed in an earlier recension of the quotes to headline it as follows:

Forget the World Cup

Don’t forget it - just play football and let the World Cup look after itself. He’s not saying his players can’t go. Still, it’s incredibly a fairer reflection of what is said than the Mirror’s headline manages:

Arsene Wenger: Fuck the World Cup, my players should only care about Arsenal

Terrific. Terrific.

The Mirror - Photo Daveybot CCAL

It’s an interesting move by the Mirror to commission a piece with 10 prospective deals which will be borne out (or not) within 24 hours. You see, the thing is that once it is done there will be no place to hide. How relevant or accurate it is will be shown up almost immediately. So how did they do? Let’s take a closer look at:

Ten transfer deals we expect to happen on Deadline Day

DAVID JAMES (Portsmouth to Spurs): The England keeper is worried about his World Cup chances in a struggling Pompey side. Spurs’ regular No.1, Heurelho Gomes, is out injured and Carlo Cudicini is not as good as he used to be.

0/1 - No deal. Maybe five years as the Chelsea reserve is no way to keep one’s skills honed, but James didn’t join. The deal might well have continued the proud tradition Harry has of signing people he knows from before, but at 39, that would have been a seriously short term deal.

MICHAEL TURNER (Hull to Sunderland): Sunderland boss Steve Bruce is a huge admirer of the big centre-half. Hull boss Phil Brown is already on the look-out for a replacement.

1/2 - Although it really should be said that the deal was announced formally just two hours after the deal was written, suggesting that it was all but done as it was.

AMR ZAKI (Zamalek to Portsmouth): Scores goals but also tests a manager’s patience which is why he hasn’t had clubs beating down his door this summer. Pompey, however, need all the players they can get - baggage or no baggage.

1/3 - He stays at Zamalek. And when they say scores goals, they must mean last year.

MARTIN PETROV (Manchester City to Spurs): He will not play in City’s Premier League team this season (nor even the Carling Cup as Mark Hughes is fielding his top men there, too). Spurs are even more desperate for a left winger now that Luka Modric, who was filling in there, is out for two months with a broken leg.

1/4 - No deal, despite the rumours.

DANIEL COUSIN (Hull to Burnley): Cousin blanked boss Phil Brown when he was subbed during the first half of the 5-1 defeat to Spurs a couple of weeks ago. That looks to have sealed his exit with his agent seeking another club for him. Burnley are interested.

1/5 - When will football journalists learn that one misplaced look absolutely does not necessitate a transfer deal? Cousin stays at Hull.

MANUEL DA COSTA (Fiorentina to West Ham): The highly-rated central defender is wanted at Upton Park in exchange for striker Savio, who has failed to adapt to the Premier League.

2/6 - True, and confirmed just an hour or so after this article appeared. Incidentally, the ‘highly-rated central defender’ has only played 2 games in Serie A at the age of 23.

BOLO ZENDEN (Free agent to Portsmouth): Portsmouth are in for the veteran left-winger who is interested in a move back to the Premier League. Bolton could hijack the deal though.

2/7 - No deal. Despite not having the baggage of a fee to agree with another club, Zenden remains the free-est of free agents.

JAMES COLLINS (West Ham to Aston Villa): Villa are interested in the West Ham defender who knows that he is pretty much surplus to requirements at Upton Park.

3/8 - True!

BLAISE MATUIDI (St Etienne to Arsenal): As long as St Etienne drop their £8million asking price, the defensive midfielder - seen as the new Patrick Vieira - could arrive at the Emirates. He may even joined by Vieira himself, as both players remain on Arsenal’s radar. Wenger should be sponsored by lastminute.com as he famously pinched both William Gallas and Lassana Diarra from Chelsea with minutes to spare on previous Deadline Days.

3/9 - No deal was done, despite some very persistent rumours. The cheeky bid for Vieira should really push the Mirror down to 3/10 at this point, but hey, we’re being generous and we’ll let it slide. We won’t let the joke slide, though - it’s terrible. Also, Andrey Arshavin - much much better example of Wenger’s propensity to deal late in the window, especially given the Gallas deal was part of the Ashley Cole chaos move. And nobody else has ever moved late in the transfer window? Berbatov? Robinho? You know what… never mind.

FRANK RIBERY (Bayern Munich to Real Madrid): Real Madrid are expected to make one last-ditch bid of around £54million, with possibly Dutch midfielder Rafael van der Vaart thrown into the bargain.

3/10 - OK, they’d run out of ideas. This is so unnervingly speculative - maybe £54m, maybe that with a £20m player thrown on top - who knows? Maybe it will happen. Could be fun.

Obviously, Ribery went nowhere.

 —  —  —  — 

So, 3/10 then. On deals they expected. That’s really quite poor, then. Imagine how far they dip from their 30% accuracy levels when they’re being speculative rather than expecting a deal to go through…

Incidentally, the following site, www.footballtransferleague.co.uk, is a very interesting place to check out rumours. And on the subject of the Mirror, they report that as of today, they’ve been right about 732 of their last 3649 transfer rumours - or 20% of the time.

Let us be clear about this - that means that they are incorrect 80% of the time. 80% of what they rumour is incorrect. Amazing.

Photo - Paul Blank, CCA

So sayeth the Sun headline this morning. So Arsene believes what, we’re supposed to wonder? That Celtic are a bigger club? It seems a bit of a stretch. That they have a better following? Well, there’s an argument there, though it might be somewhat antagonistic. Let’s see what Antony Kastrinakis means:

ARSENE WENGER has dubbed Arsenal’s European tussle against Celtic tonight BIGGER than the game at Manchester United on Saturday.

Oh. So maybe he means that Celtic are a tougher proposition than United? No, wait, only in terms of its eventual significance:

But boss Wenger said: “This game is a more important one than Saturday for the club, by far. We have to give absolutely everything be- cause tomorrow you cannot come back.

“Saturday, even if we drop points against Manchester United, we can always catch them up - you have 35 games still to go.

“If we lose the game against Celtic, we have zero. It is a massive game.”

Arsenal could scoop around £25million by taking part in the Champions League group stages alone. But the Emirates chief insisted: “It’s not the huge amount money that makes it such a huge fixture for us.

“It’s not the financial blow that matters, it’s that we want to be in the Champions League and this is a much bigger game for us than Saturday.”

That’s completely reasonable. It’s certainly better logic than that displayed by some of the journalists whose knees have already begun to jerk on the subject of the Premier League, debating whether the likes of Liverpool are already out of the title race (as spotted here on the Run of Play). Yeah, because with a six point deficit to the top and just 105 points left up for grabs, it’s already game over. See, what Arsene has astutely realised is that dropping three points in the league with 35 games and nine months to go is more recoverable than being knocked out of a competition for the rest of the season in August, before the competition has ever truly got under way.

And that’s exactly what you should have inferred from the Sun’s headline. Because that’s what you’d think of first.

Rooney, not so much a Wenger boy - Photo Austin Osuide Wikimedia Commons

One this day in 2004,  BBC’s transfer gossip column mystifyingly has Arsene Wenger chasing all the big names, has the Daily Star Sunday pricing Rooney at £50m without so much as a Florentino Perez in sight, has Chelsea eyeing up the Spanish totty and featured some future Borussia Monchengladbach players with careers in flux. Meanwhile, on the international scene, plots were afoot to entrench Sammy Lee in the England set up and Glenn Hoddle in the France set up, but as things turned out we’ll never know whether or not Glenn Hoddle picked up enough vocabulary in his time at Monaco to insult disabled people in French too…

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has conceded defeat in the chase for Wayne Rooney, claiming the Everton striker will join Manchester United. (The People)

Well conceded Arsene, though it’s hard to recall Arsenal ever really being in the hunt, unlike Newcastle, as reported in The Times - an article that in hindsight seems miguided, noting that Ferguson was “‘unlikely’ to sign another forward imminently,” whilst Newcastle’s “interest is difficult to reconcile with their immediate needs. In Alan Shearer, Craig Bellamy, Patrick Kluivert and Shola Ameobi, they already possess four high-quality strikers.” How different things may have been had Newcastle replaced the “high quality” Kluivert (circa 2004) and Ameobi with Rooney.

Manchester United say they cannot afford to meet Everton’s £50m valuation for striker Wayne Rooney. (Daily Star Sunday)

They probably couldn’t afford to meet Everton’s £50m valuation. Fortunately for United, that was made up by the Daily Star Sunday, and they landed him for half the amount, which they met nicely.

Arsenal made a sensational 11th-hour bid to sign Steven Gerrard from Liverpool - and could make a move for the midfielder next summer. (News of the World)

Again, it’s hard to recall Wenger uncharacteristically making plays for Rooney and Gerrard, nor did he make a move for him the next summer - that particular futile transfer play was all Chelsea. We can’t help but wonder, if their bid was 11th hour, what happened on the 12th hour?

Rangers are poised to beat Celtic to the signature of Dundee striker Nacho Novo after increasing their offer by £100,000 to £450,000. (Sunday Mirror and News of the World)

Celtic allegedly opt not to sign Novo believing him unenthusiastic about the prospect and Rangers land the Spaniard. He goes on to score 25 goals including the one that won them the title, which must have been a little bit annoying for Celtic.

Chelsea are closing in on a £6m swoop for Benfica and Portugal central midfielder Tiago Mendes.(News of the World)

Yes they were, and they did indeed sign him for an undisclosed fee which was believed to be nearer £10m than £6m. After a decent season, Chelsea brought in the rather useful Michael Essien, and, as most players would, Tiago lost his place in the team and went to Lyon. He would later come close to a Premier league return for the 2008-9 season as Everton agreed to take him on loan from Juventus, but Tiago refused to go, bizzarely locking club President Giovanni Cobolli Gigli inside a toilet stall to prevent the deal going through. Cobolli Gigli was reportedly stuck there for an hour before Alessandro Del Piero came to his rescue.

Holland and Barcelona star Patrick Kluivert, who is available on a free transfer, has issued a come-and-get-me plea to Middlesbrough. (Sunday Mirror)

If he did issue said plea literally, it appears it mixed up in the north-east sorting office and went to Newcastle instead. Newcastle subsequently came and got him, and he spent a largely unfruitful one tear spell on Tyneside before a bottom half finish allowed both parties to end his contract.

Tottenham have joined Middlesbrough in the race to sign England and Bayern Munich midfielder Owen Hargreaves. (Sunday Mirror).

This turned out to be a marathon rather than a sprint, and neither Spurs or Middlesborough were anywhere to be seen at the finish line. Hargreaves stayed in Munich for two more seasons, was frequently maligned by England fans until out-performing everyone at the 2006 World Cup, when everyone decided he was actually rather handy in centre midfield and Manchester United put in a strong finish to take the tape. Hargreaves played well in his first season, scored a vital free-kick to defeat Arsenal on the way to a Premier League title, before tendinitis hit both his knees and his career went all a bit Simon Jones.

The Football Association is lining up Sammy Lee to replace David Platt as manager of the England Under-21 team. (The People)

Absolutely spot-on from The People, provided when they say Sammy Lee they mean Peter Taylor. Sammy Lee was later offered the job in 2006, but opted to stay at Bolton to realise his ambition as a Number 1. He fulfilled this ambition a year later when Allardyce left for Newcastle, spent 11 matches discovering it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be (and neither was he) before being fired and retreating to be number 2 again at Liverpool.

Chelsea are eyeing Spanish strikers Fernando Torres and Fernando Morientes. (Daily Star)

Eyeing them proved pointless as the pair decided Chelsea weren’t their type and when it came to the Premier League they only had eyes for Liverpool. The latter spent another half a season before joining the Reds in January 2005 for a disappointing spell, whilst the former remained at Atletico for a further three seasons before hitting Merseyside with a notably bigger bang than his compatriot, scoring an impressive 33 goals in 46 games in his debut season. When Liverpool sealed this deals, Chelsea instead opted for flops Mateja Kezman in 2004 (who scored fewer than Morientes) and Claudio Pizarro in 2007, leaving them to continue jealously eyeing up Torres in his splangly new red shirt.

Birmingham are set to beat Atletico Madrid and Seville to the signing of Chelsea’s Danish winger Jesper Gronkjaer. (Daily Star)

Birmingham do beat Atletico Madrid and Seville to his signature, before wishing they hadn’t and reverting to middle-man in his transfer to Atletico for a fee of £2.5m the following year.

Celtic have confirmed their interest in Czech Republic midfielder Marek Heinz but face competition from Everton, Portsmouth and Sporting Lisbon. (News of the World)

Tough break for News of the World, hedging their bets with four possible destinations in Scotland, England and Portugal before losing them all as the Czech international opted for Borussia Monchengladbach in Germany. Perhaps they neglected this possibility because they couldn’t spell it…

Former Chelsea striker Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is close to agreeing a £25,000-per-week contract to join Celtic. (Sunday Mirror)

So close that he joined Middlesborough instead, enjoying a productive parntership with Mark Viduka that helped catapult Steve McClaren into the England job. Thanks Jimmy.

Norwich City are interested in out-of-favour Celtic defender Joos Valgaeren (News of the World).

News of the World continue their good run, as Valgaeren ran down his contract for another season without going anywhere near the home of Alan Partridge then went back to Belgium, joining Club Bruge on a free transfer.

Glenn Hoddle has applied for the vacant France job and will be interviewed - though he is an outsider to succeed Jacques Santini. (The Independent on Sunday).

Hoddle remained outside the French set up, with Raymond Domenech taking charge and leading them all the way to the World Cup Final in 2006, something Hoddle probably wouldn’t have done. Good choice French Football Federation.

Blackburn Rovers hope to sign Craig Moore after the Australia defender was stripped of the captaincy by Rangers. (Sunday Mirror)

Blackburn’s hopes are dashed as Moore remains in Glasgow for another season before heading to the suddenly ubiquitous Borussia Monchengladbach.

Figo, not at West Ham - Photo European Parliament CCANDNC

On this day in 2005 BBC’s transfer gossip column was like one of those toddler’s games where they have shapes and matching holes to put them through, and the papers weren’t very good at it. A number of different players were faced with holes in the shape of Newcastle United, Birmingham City and West Ham, but the papers kept trying to squeeze them into the wrong hole. Then there was the Luis Figo shaped piece, which had somehow made it into the box despite belonging to an altogether more expensive higher calibre European game that the paper’s weren’t aware of.

West Ham plan a bid to bring Real Madrid’s Luis Figo to Upton Park. (Daily Star)

Well it’s always good to have a plan, but sometimes a sense of realism is useful. It is hard to imagine that it would have been a difficult decision for Figo when he opted to join Internazionale, spending 4 seasons servicing the likes of Adriano, Crespo and Ibrahimovic rather than Marlon Harewood, Bobby Zamora, Dean Ashton, Craig Bellamy and Carlton Cole. He probably didn’t regret it, as West Ham suffered last minute FA Cup heartache, relegation battles, legal dramas and debt problems whilst Figo helped Inter secure their first Serie A title since 1989 by virtue of winning matches without fixing them, promptly followed by three more consecutive titles including one in his final season before retirement when he was managed by compatriot Jose Mourinho.

Spurs are set to make an increased offer for Newcastle midfielder Jermaine Jenas, after having an initial £6m bid rejected. (Mirror)

Successfully called by The Mirror - Spurs up the ante to £7m plus another £2m payable once they qualified for the UEFA Cup.

West Ham are hopeful of signing Newcastle’s former Manchester United stopper Nicky Butt. (Mirror)

First there was a plan, now there’s hope from Upton Park. The hope proved as useful as the plan, as Butt opted for a season long loan with his former colleague Steve Bruce at Birmingham City, before returning to Newcastle where he failed to prevent the slide into the Championship, making The Mirror’s use of the ’stopper’ sobriquet usually reserved for goalkeepers and sometimes defenders even more ill-advised.

Juventus have rejected a £30m offer from Chelsea for striker David Trezeguet. (The Sun)

Trezeguet stuck with Juventus through thick and thin, helping them back into Serie A after they were relegated following the match-fixing scandal and scoring 20 goals in their return to the top flight, before missing most of last season with a groin injury. Chelsea spent their £30m on Andriy Shevchenko one year later, which went well.

Manchester City are contemplating a move for former Rangers defender Craig Moore, who is on tour with Australia after being released by his club Borussia Moenchengladbach. (Mirror)

A reminder of how different things were before the Arab billions swept into Eastlands, as Manchester City were not thinking of Robinho, Kaka, Ronaldinho or Tevez but Australian centre half Craig Moore. It is unlikely that this summer potential signings will end up at Newcastle, that’s for sure. Moore spent two seasons at St. James’s Park where achievements such as being kept out of the first team by Titus Bramble saw him released in 2007 to join the splendidly named Brisbane Roar in the misleadingly titled A-League.

Birmingham manager Steve Bruce is likely to move for Cardiff defender Danny Gabbidon. (Mirror)

The Mirror called Birmingham but 2005’s Welsh footballer of the year Danny Gabbison declined Bruce’s advances and went to West Ham, despite the lack of reported plans or hope on the Hammers behalf.

Celtic boss Gordon Strachan is expected to enter talks about a permanent move for Craig Bellamy, who is also wanted by Everton and Aston Villa. (Daily Mail)

The Daily Mail take three shots at the target but each one misses - the Scottish Premier League failed to satisfy Bellamy’s high opinion of himself and Everton and Villa lucked out as Bellamy joined his former Welsh national boss Mark Hughes at Blackburn, triggering a nomadic four year spell trotting about the division which took in neither Everton or Aston Villa.

Villa could move for Southampton’s Kevin Phillips if they fail to land Bellamy. (Daily Mail)

More accurate shooting from the Mail - Villa missed out on Bellamy and opted for Kevin Phillips, whose injury blighted season saw him fail to settle. At least at Aston Villa that is, as he seemed very content in the Midlands, joining neighbours West Bromwich Albion for two seasons, where he was extremely successful and popular before being affronted by their offer of a one year contract with a second year depending on appearances and heading off to other neighbours Birmingham City, where he has also been successful and popular. Rumours that neighbours Wolves are interested are unconfirmed.

Chelsea striker Mateja Kezman may be about to move to Marseille on loan, with talks planned this week. (Daily Express)

It’s great that the Express were so convinced about touting this particular rumour around that they used the words ‘may be’, but in the end they were wise to be cautious, as Mourinho was convinced the Serbian striker wasn’t up to the Premier League and wasn’t interested in keeping the possibility he might come back alive, selling him to Atletico Madrid for keeps. If only all papers were so circumspect in their rumour-mongering these days we might not be so hard on them…

Bolton are expected to pip Manchester City for the signature of Oman keeper Ali Al-Habsi. (Daily Mail)

Well expected Daily Mail!

The agent for Birmingham loan signing Walter Pandiani says his client would welcome a move to Real Zaragoza. (Daily Express)

Good call agent, but were Real Zaragoza interested? Either they weren’t or the agent was wrong, as Pandiani signed permanently for £3m. ‘Permanently’ turned out to be one season before he headed of for Spain, joining not Zaragoza but Espanyol.

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has given Celtic his blessing to snap up striker Jeremie Aliadiere on loan. (Daily Record)

With Celtic blessed by the Frenchman they went right ahead and snapped Aliadiere up on loan. Quite why was unclear, as he made just 2 substitute appearances as Celtic crashed out of the Champions League at the qualification round to Artmedia Bratislava before moving back to Arsenal in August citing a lack of first team opportunities. He then took a season long loan at West Ham was not much better, with just 7 starts and no goals.

Rangers could snap up defender Soti Kyrgiakos from Panathinaikos for nothing. (Daily Record)

Could and did, rounding off the day’s rumours with a double whammy for the Daily Record.