Sport without Spin » Cliches

Meaningless football transfer cliches - TUG OF WAR

Sport without Spin — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 12:56:13 +0000

The winner gets Ronaldo - Photo Futureshape CCA

Regularly throughout the year clubs take a break from the taxing business of playing football, grab a rope, and pull with all their might in order to secure a signing. The tug of war certainly sounds exciting, and potentially a great way of resolving disputes over players if performed literally. But how is the term used in the media, and is it all helpful in understanding the transfer tales? Here are ten classic examples of the term:

1. Philipp Lahm is in a tug of war between England and Spain and if Jurgen Klinsmann becomes Bayern boss the right back may well stay in Munich - 21 February 2008, Sportingo

A three-way tug-of-war then? That sounds complicated. Would it work? Or should we infer that the tug-of-war itself will be between England and Spain only? Lahm stayed at Bayern, rendering said tug-of-war completely devoid of purpose.

2. Sheringham at the centre of a tug-of-war - 16 May 2007 - The Daily Mail

Teddy Sheringham will be involved in a summer tug-of-war between Charlton and Millwall - if he doesn’t join the rush to riches in the United States.

Perhaps we should reconfirm that the maximum number of teams in a tug-of-war should be two. Teddy Sheringham transferred to Colchester during this summer window, which raises the question of who Colchester were tugging.

3. Fresh twist in Beckham tug-of-war - 14 February 2009 - BBC

The seemingly interminable struggle for David Beckham between AC Milan and LA Galaxy. This deal actually had many of the hallmarks of a tug-of-war, given both sides had dug their heels in, and both had a chance of succeeding - AC Milan because Beckham said he wanted to go, and LA Galaxy because of that legally-binding contract Beckham signed. The player managed to win.

4. Riise tug-of-war - Summer 2001 - The Daily Mail

Fulham are resigned to a second summer snub from a top target as Norwegian John Arne Riise changes tracks for Liverpool.

Last week, Riise’s mother and agent Berit said she was ‘100 per cent certain’ he would join promoted Fulham to team up again with Jean Tigana - the manager who gave him his big chance at Monaco.

But Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry confirmed a meeting today between the club and 20-year-old Riise and said: ‘We have been given permission to talk to him.’

Not exactly what one might term a tug-of-war. Fulham did the deal, and then Liverpool called, and the deal was off. Minimal tugging required.

5. Tug of war over Waddle - 14 March 1997 - Independent

Chris Waddle walked out of Bradford City with the intention of joining Nottingham Forest yesterday - and straight into a row between the two clubs.

The veteran winger hopes to sign for Forest today as a player in time to make his debut against Liverpool tomorrow, but Bradford are seething about the approach.

Waddle mistakenly thought he had an escape clause in his contract, but Bradford are demanding a fee for him - or the striker Jason Lee - as compensation.

The angry First Division club are also considering reporting Forest to the Premier League for an illegal approach to Waddle, who is under contract for the rest of the season.

Three days later, Waddle was at Sunderland, presumably thrashing out the details while Bradford and Forest tugged furiously but futilely.

6. Monaco striker Jeremy Menez is tipped to be at the centre of a transfer tug-of-war between United and Liverpool - 21 October 2007 - Manchester United official site

Menez went to Roma in the summer of 2008 - which shows the risk of tipping participants in a tug-of-war. Surely the player has to be available before the tugging can start between two teams who don’t yet have the player but want him?

7. Carlos Tevez tug-of-war between Manchester United and Real Madrid - 13 November 2008 - Daily Telegraph

This sounds like a plausible tug-of-war, but Tevez has not gone anywhere and the ball is firmly in Manchester United’s court if they want to secure his services with a fresh contract. Real Madrid are just tugging aimlessly, and if this was the January deal that the Telegraph implies, it didn’t happen.

8. Beattie’s tug-of-war - 19 June 2007 - Daily Express

CELTIC star Craig Beattie is about to land in the middle of a transfer tug-of-war between English Championship rivals West Brom and Sheffield United.

And it was West Brom who won that particular battle, not that Beattie would count as a huge success, having been loaned out to three other clubs since his arrival. At least this story makes sense.

9. Norwich and Derby have joined Coventry and Crystal Palace in a four-way tug-of-war for Wolves striker Freddy Eastwood - 15 May 2008 - BBC

Four-way? There wouldn’t be enough rope. Plus, even if there were, and Freddy were in the middle, he’d be quartered medieval-style. Bad analogy - but at least Coventry were one of the four clubs linked to his signature.

10. And the Glazers, whom Ferguson lauds, face the ultimate test: a tug-of-war with Real over a true match-winner - 8 June 2008 - Daily Telegraph

If you were going to draw a football dictionary, Cristiano Ronaldo, Real and United would be the entry for tug-of-war. As they would for ’saga’, most likely. The story makes the Beckham case (3) three seem like a flash of light instantly resolved, despite statements of finality, ever-increasing sums of money and a desperate desire to read something else. And with elections looming over Real Madrid, you can rest assured that you’ll be reading more tug-of-war stories throughout those long summer days…

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Tug-of-war - in football speak, it seems to mean that more than one club (but evidently not limited to two) are fighting for a certain player. It can involve a current club or prospective club, or two prospective clubs, and it can be as mismatched or one-way as you like. The term is occasionally apt but often just a bit lazy. And on several occasions the ultimate outcome features a non-participant of the tug-of-war. Reader beware…

Meaningless football transfer cliches - COME-AND-GET-ME PLEA

Sport without Spin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:35:38 +0000

Come and get me! Photo - Artwerk - CCANDNC

Continuing our round-up of terms that get thrown around all too readily, this week we turn our attention to the ‘come-and-get-me plea’. It’s hardly common usage in any other walk of life; have you ever given your dream employers a come-and-get-me plea, or did you just submit a CV and covering letter? Has a significant other ever won you around with a come-and-get-me plea? Or is it just tabloid speak for a player who may or may not want out of a club? Here are ten charming examples of the come-and-get-me plea in action in football rumour reporting.

1. Andrei Arshavin issues come and get me plea to Spurs - 8th August 2008 - Daily Mirror

“This price tag has frightened everybody off,” Arshavin told Sport Express. “Only Tottenham have dared continue negotiations. But as it stands nothing has developed.

“My desire to leave is still as strong, but there is nothing more to do now other than hope for a miracle.

“I understand perfectly well that if I don’t move on now, I probably never will.”

That went well. At least the supporting theory was sound. And Arsenal, you may have got your man, but never forget that it was Spurs who “dared”. Audere est facere. Nice. Not exactly true in this case.

2. Salzburg starlet issues come and get me plea - 11th March 2009 - FourFourTwo

Red Bull Salzburg hot-shot Marc Janko has set a string of Premier League clubs’ pulses racing after revealing he wants to move to England, with Tottenham Hotspur one of his preferred destinations.

The 25-year-old Austrian international has netted an astonishing 45 league goals in just 58 appearances for the Austrian Bundesliga outfit.

But he could soon be plying his trade in the Premier League, after revealing it has been his dream to play in the English top-flight from a young age.

“When I was about 12 years old, I was watching an English game on the television,” he told the Daily Mail. “It was West Ham against Watford and everything about the English game, the pace, the crowd, the atmosphere, it was fantastic.

“I just turned to my father and said, ‘I’m going to play in England ’and now I want to make it happen.”

Come and get him. Please. Come on Spurs, dare. Despite the rumours linking him with Blackburn in January, he remains at home dreaming of West Ham against Watford.

3. Liverpool midfielder Alonso issues ‘come and get me’ plea to Juventus - 7th June 2008 - Daily Mail

“I am waiting,” Alonso told Gazzetta dello Sport from Spain’s training base in Neustift.

“I know that Juve are interested and I also know there has been contact with Liverpool and with my agent.”

Juve is a special club that Alonso evidently likes from afar. Neither that nor a return to Spain have yet materialised, as Alonso continues to keep Gareth Barry’s central midfield berth warm at Anfield. The “proud that a club so strong and historic as x” line is another piece of transfer rhetoric in its own right.

4. Sebastien Bassong has rocked Newcastle with a ‘come and get me plea’ to Arsenal - 11th March 2009 - Lancashire Evening Post

Depends where in the country you’re reading this. To take the view of the Evening Chronicle:

SEBASTIEN BASSONG has admitted he would be “interested” in a move to Arsenal, but Newcastle United’s find of the season has stopped well short of a “come and get me” plea.

So maybe he has or has not asked Arsenal to buy him. Regional.

5. Belgian golden boy Steven Defour has issued a come-and get-me plea to Aston Villa - 27th March 2009 - Daily Mirror

“I’m ready to go abroad,” he said.

“Villa are an amazing club but Liege must decide whether they are good enough.”

Or Villa must decide if Steven Defour is good enough. Will his plea to be come for and gotten fall upon deaf ears?

6. He [Sammy Traore] has made his ‘come and get me’ plea after finding his opportunities at the Parisian club limited under the tenure of Paul Le Guen - 1st June 2008, Sky Sports News

The player, who has returned to PSG after a year-long loan spell at Auxerre, would relish the challenge if Upton Park boss Alan Curbishley came knocking.

He told football365.fr: “England is a championship which attracts me and which attracts many people.

“To leave for England would be a good thing. Now, I did not say that I was going to sign for a club like Arsenal, Manchester United or a club like that.

“There are good English clubs where you can open out. A club like West Ham is a very good club. If a club like that calls me, I would sign straight away.”

Sounds like a fairly emphatic plea combined with a superb piece of expectation-management - ‘yep, benching for PSG doesn’t make me a Manchester United kind of guy, but I bet I could get a game for West Ham’. Unfortunately for Sammy Alan Curbishley had a limited control on the purse strings, and he has instead spent another year at PSG being a bit-part player.

7. Babel issues a come and get me plea to Wenger - 16th June 2007, Daily Mail

He said: “If I get the chance to train with Arsene Wenger it would be a dream. From when I was young I supported Arsenal - they style, the ambiance, how they show themselves on the field - everything.

“The Premier League is maybe the best league, a very high level. I know Robin van Persie who plays there very well, and he is a great person - I have a lot of phone contact.

As it turned out, Arsene didn’t see him as the next Thierry Henry, as the article suggests, but Rafa Benitez did see him as the next Harry Kewell, and Ryan now occasionally breaks from rapping about maths to turn out for the Reds.

8. Cisse sends come-and-get-me plea to Spurs - 11th June 2008 - Epping Forest Guardian

“Portsmouth were interested in Djibril last season and so were Manchester City and West Ham - that was then, though, and this is now.”

However, Cisse is keen to show his skills on the big stage and would consider joining an ambitious team that is regularly playing in Europe.

“There are maybe three or four teams like Portsmouth and Tottenham who he would play for,” added Stojic [Cisse's agent].

“He wants to play at the highest level and have European football.”

Enter Sunderland, where he’s actually done quite well. As Stojic rightly, and perhaps even philosophically, points out, that was then, and this is now.

9. Fenerbahce forward Colin Kazim-Richards has issued a come-and-get-me plea to Premier League clubs ahead of the January transfer window - 24th November 2008 - Sky Sports News

“I had a problem with Mark McGhee there and the press seized on that and it seemed to follow me wherever I went.

“But if I was a troublemaker why would Fenerbahce have signed me?”

Logic that wouldn’t be out of place coming from Craig Bellamy’s mouth. Incidentally, to reinforce Kazim-Richards’ argument, famous foreign imports at Fenerbahce include Pierre van Hooijdonk (ask Forest fans if he was a troublemaker), Ariel Ortega (due to his volatility, Ortega never remained at one club for an extended period of time) and Nicolas Anelka. Just saying. No deal has been done for him to return to England as yet.

10. Valencia striker David Villa has issued about as unequivocal a come and get me plea’ as is possible, without actually using the words ‘come and get me’ - 18th March 2008 - The Telegraph

“I will be listening to all offers that come in,” the Spaniard is quoted in several of today’s papers as saying.

Though if they can agree Villa is on his way to the Premier League, there is less consensus as to his final destination.

The Mirror think Tottenham are in pole position to sign him, the Mail think only Chelsea have the financial clout to answer his call, the Star believe Tottenham and Chelsea will be scraping it out, whereas the Sun see it as a two horse race between Manchester United and Chelsea.

So Arsenal it is then.

Or no-one.

And actually this example is probably the most pertinent of them all. Sometimes these calls are genuine, but as often as not they’re a quote carefully tweaked to encourage speculation, made out to be far more than they’re worth. Forget the significance of the club’s named in the article - it doesn’t mean that said club is in pole position to sign the player (why would it? After all, it only says they are), but that the player is pitching for a club of that sort of stature. And once you go public, and you’ve gone so far as to say you want to leave, and are not the victim of a sensationalist story, you’re probably just fishing. And if that’s the case, let’s hope there’s a club with a serious rod for you (told you it would catch on).

“I am really very proud that a club so strong and historic as Juve like me. Juve is a very special club and one that I like.”

Meaningless football transfer cliches - HANDS-OFF WARNING

Sport without Spin — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:31:25 +0000

Hands off! Photo Darius Capulet

You’re the manager of a football club. You decide you need a new player. You scour the divisions, and listen to the sage words of your scouts. You make an enquiry. But oh no! “Hands off!”, you’re warned. By all rights you should slink back to the hole from whence you came, but you’ve read this column and you’ve noticed that “hands-off” means about as much as the meaning of the lyrics of Des’ree’s Life…

1. Porto issue £22m hands-off warning to Villa and United target Boswinga - 2 January 2008, Daily Mail

A half example to get us started - “hands-off - but if you’ve got £22m feel free to put your hands back on. In the event, neither Villa nor Manchester United signed him, but Chelsea did… for a hands-off sized £16.2m.

2. Real issue Owen hands-off warning - June 30 2005, Manchester Evening News

But Real director of football Arrigo Sacchi told the Daily Star: “Owen is not for sale because he is part of our coach Wanderley Luxemburgo’s plans.

“Chelsea have not been in touch with us to make an offer for him, or in recent times for any of our players.

“Some of the things written about who is coming to, and who is leaving Real Madrid, are almost as incredible as science fiction.”

Two months later Michael Owen signs for Newcastle United in a deal which is less science fiction and more horror.

3. The performances did not go unnoticed, forcing City chairman John Wardle to slap the obligatory “hands-off” warning on his prize asset [Shaun Wright-Phillips] - 18 July 2005, BBC

The article is written on the day that Shaun Wright-Phillips confirms a £21m move to Chelsea, and the reference to the warning is somewhat tired and defeated, and brilliantly dismissed as being one of those footballing customs which has no beneficial application.

4. AC Milan today issued a “hands-off” warning to Chelsea over Brazilian superstar Kaka - 13 June 2008, Evening Standard

What they meant, of course, was that there would be no talking about a deal unless there was at least £100m on the table. And you thought Manchester City Chairman Garry Cook was stupid. You were wrong.

5. Fergie issues hands-off warning to Real - 28 May 2008, Telegraph

Real persisted and persisted, and in no way got their man, not that it has stopped rumours being reported as news almost weekly since last summer. Perhaps Real were mindful that their own hands-off warning concerning Michael Owen was the stuff of science fiction.

6. Middlesborough issue ‘hands off’ warning over Downing - 25 May 2006, Guardian

You’re wasting your time, Spurs, they’ll never sell. That should nip the Downing story in the bud…

7. Boro: Hands off young stars - 20 December 2007, SBS

You’re wasting your time, Spurs, and now Everton, they’ll never sell. That should nip the Downing story in the bud…

8. Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate has issued a hands-off warning to both enquiries but is now reported to be more interested in a deal with the news that Spurs are willing to release striker Jermain Defoe - 9 January 2008, Daily Mail

You’re wasting your time Spurs - again! But what’s that? If Jermain Defoe is for sale then maybe not? That would have been an awkward conversation for Southgate:

Ramos: Hi Gareth - just wanted to ask you about Downing.

Southgate: Hands off. I’m warning you.

Ramos: Well, I was going to talk about a deal including Jermain Defoe, but if you’re not interested…

Southgate: Wait! Maybe I am interested.

Ramos: You told me ‘hands off’.

Southgate: You didn’t tell me about Defoe before.

Ramos: You didn’t let me, Gareth. You didn’t let me. Manners.

9. Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate has issued a hands-off warning to Liverpool over Stewart Downing, saying the England winger is “not for sale” - 16 June 2008, BBC

You’re wasting your time, Liverpool, they’ll never sell. Good to see Spurs and Everton picked up the hint. That should nip the Downing story in the bud…

10. Downing, of course, is a player Harry wants at the Lane, and the “hands-off” warning he got from Boro in January is unlikely to stop him bidding again this summer - 5 March 2009, Daily Star

Which somewhat encapsulates the problem. On some levels, ‘hands-off’ is a meaningless threat that stops neither a club selling nor an interested club bidding. On another level, it’s been two and a half years of Downing is not for sale rhetoric from Middlesborough, and that’s neither stopped the transfer chat nor seen Downing actually be sold. Football reporting - it’s a patchwork quilt of words and cliches which occasionally synchronises with reality.

Preview - the Champions League Quarter-Final Draw Hackneyed Analysis Watch

Sport without Spin — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:23:08 +0000

Champions League medal for all your successful predictions - possibly - photo edwin.11

Eight teams. 28 possible permutations. And some potentially predictable previewing. That’s the Champions League quarter-final draw.

This is a little bit of fun in anticipation of the draw tomorrow - a run-down of the phrases and angles we think might turn up in the write-ups and previews tomorrow. We’ll keep an eye open for it as the day goes on.

If you have some you’d like to suggest yourselves, just drop us a line. And if you spot one of the turns of phrase below elsewhere, let us know in the comments section at the bottom.

Without further ado, here are our predictions, in no particular order:

UPDATE - 12.15 - The draw is made - here’s the list:

Arsenal – Villareal

They’ll be pleased to have avoided the heavyweights / big guns / English opposition / the draw has been kind to the Gunners

Chelsea – Liverpool

The tie Chelsea didn’t want / the two form sides

Manchester United – Porto

A repeat of their meeting in 2004

Barcelona – Bayern

The English teams will be glad to have avoided Barca / Barca will be glad to have avoided the English teams / A meeting of two European heavyweights

Meaningless football transfer cliches - RED ALERT!

Sport without Spin — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:33:14 +0000

Red Alert - everyone to the bunkers, sign sign sign! - photo rykerstribe

Noun - Red alert - the highest level of alert when an attack by the enemy seems imminent (or more generally a state of alert resulting from imminent danger) - The Free Dictionary

Or…

Noun - Red alert - when not very much generates huge excitement about a prospective transfer which would be significant were it to materialise (but is by no means likely to) - Sport without Spin

It’s meant to be a serious matter, but as the following ten examples show, being on red alert in footballing terms doesn’t mean it’s Independence Day all over again…

1. Surge for Aguero: Chelsea and City on red alert as Atletico star reveals wish to play in England - Jan 2nd 2009, Daily Mail

Hyperbole warning - Argentina star Sergio Aguero is set to spark the mother of all transfer tug-of-wars after declaring he would like to play in England - no sign of that deal so far, is there?

2. Arsenal and Bolton have been put on red alert after Sporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso revealed he will leave Portugal at the end of the season - 4th March 2009, Daily Mail

Look out for that deal to happen soon - I mean, the Daily Mail have only published about 20 stories about Veloso and prospective transfers to Arsenal, Bolton, Manchester United, Spurs, and Newcastle in the last 18 months…

3. Everton and Newcastle have been put on red alert after discovering Scotland international Barry Ferguson has been stripped of the captaincy at Rangers and placed on the transfer list following a dressing-room bust-up - January 2nd, 2007, Daily Mail

Two years on, Scotland international Barry Ferguson is captain of Rangers.

4. United on red alert as Bayern break off talks with Ballack - November 15th 2005, Guardian

In the event, of course, Chelsea signed Ballack for free that summer, United signed Michael Carrick for £18m. Who knew the latter would be widely heralded as the better deal?

5. Tottenham are among the top Premier League clubs who have been put on red alert after discovering Holland international Rafael van der Vaart has refused a new contract at Hamburg - January 6th 2008, Metro

The former Ajax midfielder has previously been linked with Spurs and Arsenal and they could test the Bundesliga side’s resolve to keep the 24-year-old, even though he says he is not looking to move at the moment.

How does a man who is not looking to move at the moment put a club on red alert? As fate would have it, Tottenham and the other top Premier League clubs whom they were amongst missed van der Vaart as he signed for Real Madrid months later.

6. Only recently Ferdinand and Kenyon were spotted chatting in a London restaurant, and in the wake of the ‘tapping-up’ row regarding Arsenal left-back Ashley Cole that has still to be resolved by the Football Association, that has put United on red alert - May 1st 2005, Sporting Life

A cunning twist on the standard red alert - this time, the side threatened with losing their player go on red alert, and Ferguson evidently made that panic count by retaining the services of Rio.

7. Samuel Eto’o has put the Premiership’s big spenders on red alert after falling out with Barcelona boss Frank Rijkaard - February 14th 2007, Daily Mail

The Cameroon striker has sparked a scramble for his services by blasting both his manager and team-mate Ronaldhino and has revealed he would love to play for Arsenal.

The two and a half year scramble sparked by this red alert moment has seen Eto’o continue his career at Barcelona.

8. Portsmouth playmarker Niko Kranjcar puts Arsenal on red alert after admitting he may leave Fratton Park this summer - February 24th 2009, Daily Mail

Isn’t the idea of a red alert that it involves some real urgency?And aren’t Arsenal also on red alert for Miguel Veloso? What’s the proper term for double red alert?

9. Man Utd gaffer Sir Alex Ferguson will be on Red alert should Owen’s contract talks break down, especially if prized-asset Ronaldo finds his way to La Liga - June 21st 2008, Goal
Two big ifs there - and the second didn’t materialise. Red alert over.

10. Arshavin puts Spurs on red alert after admitting: I don’t trust Zenit St Petersburg anymore - October 30th 2008, Daily Mail

The red alert warnings must have been intercepted by local rivals Arsenal, who were at this point still in threat level yellow and signed the Russian three months later.

PS - Do the Daily Mail overuse the meaningless term ‘red alert’? On this evidence, perhaps.