Bruce, 2004 - Photo Struway CCA

The law of the footballing jungle is fairly simple. Bigger clubs will bully you, and you will bully smaller clubs. We know this to be true, and tacitly accept it. Every now and then, though, you catch a couple of stories together which reinforce it nicely. Steve Bruce of Sunderland did the hard work for us during the January transfer window:

22 January - Telegraph - Steve Bruce blasts ‘disrespectful’ Liverpool

Bruce insisted there has been no contact between the two clubs, despite repeated speculation on Merseyside that the Trinidad and Tobago international is to join Liverpool on loan before making a permanent switch during the summer.

He said: “I find it hugely disrespectful, the antics of Liverpool. I have huge respect for Liverpool and the way they have done their business and the way they have conducted themselves.

“But I have to say, this constant badgering of Kenwyne Jones when we as a club haven’t heard anything, and then I keep reading this nonsense that I’m going to allow him to go on loan because it’s a tax advantage for both clubs is the biggest load of rubbish I have read for weeks.

“As if I’m got to let our big, big player, one of our big, big assets, go on loan - I find it hugely disrespectful and I can’t understand where Liverpool are coming from.”

28 January - Sky Sports - Angry Wigan confirm bids - furious Martinez reveals ‘insulting’ offers

Roberto Martinez has confirmed receiving bids for left-back Maynor Figueroa, which he has described as insulting.

Paul Collingwood - Photo Binguyen CCA

Scotland win a rugby game

Of all the sides in action against the might of the Tri-Nations teams, the Scottish were hardly considered likely winners. Strong defence, grim resolution and a stroke of luck when the boot of Matt Giteau failed to do what was expected all combined however to make Scotland 9-8 victors over the Australians. Pretty it may not have been, but the Scots were able not to fall into a pattern which has afflicted the likes of England during this round of Autumn Internationals - one of contending until half time and then slowly tailing away.

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England win a cricket game

It’s the Pakistanis who have the tag of being mercurial, but England’s performances of late never cease to baffle. The drilling they took last week in the Twenty20 verged on cruel, but despite that the team resurfaced in Durban to record a quite comfortable win in the 50 over format. The bowlers contained, and South Africa had no answer to medium-pacers from Jonathan Trott and Paul Collingwood, then the same two put on a huge stand for the third wicket that sealed the victory. For the first time in a while the English ODI side looks on the verge of making sense (taking into the account the restrictions brought about by injuries to bowlers, of course), but for the time being there’s not much to be read into that. England could just as easily be incredibly poor, excellent or average next time out.

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Spurs win a football game - by 8 goals

It may not have been the highest scoring match in Premier League History, but it was the biggest winning margin for the best part of 15 years, and will have delighted Spurs fans, people who like goals, and those who have Jermaine Defore and/or Aaron Lennon in their fantasy football teams alike. Wigan buckled, having been just 1-0 down at half time, and lost with such conviction that at least manager Roberto Martinez may be able to dismiss this result as a freak. As for Spurs, we’ll simply let the footage do the talking:

PS - We’ll also let a commenter on the footage do the talking - “I think we don’t going to see this again in our life time”. Well, it’s a theory.

Antonio Valencia - Photo ber3lasers Wikimedia Commons

The Daily Mail confirm this morning that Antonio Valencia is all but certain to leave Wigan, and according to the Wigan Chairman Dave Whelan all that remains to be settled is whether the winger will be plying his trade at Manchester United or Real Madrid from now on:

‘I think he is an outstanding player and he would fit in at either Manchester United or Real Madrid. There is no doubt that he will end up at one of those clubs – it’s just a case of which one he wants to end up at.’

So, given a choice between one of the best clubs in Spain and one of the best in England, which way should Valencia go? On the one hand, the fact that he’s a Spanish speaker and is likely to have grown up being more familiar with La Liga than the Premiership might swing the deal in Real’s favour. And then there is literally everything else against it.

If he hasn’t noticed that Real have decided that it is absolutely fine to go and buy the very best players in the world - including one who plays where he plays - then he’s not been living on earth for the last few weeks. We can almost certainly discount this possibility. Florentino Perez has form in signing at least one insanely expensive player each and every summer. Kaka and Ronaldo are unlikely to be finding themselves on the bench too often if they’re going to sell shirts. So if Valencia thinks to himself, “Well, with Ronaldo, Kaka, Robben, Sneijder, Raul, Huntelaar, Higuain and Van der Vaart all competing for places in the final third, I might still have a chance,” then he still has to reckon on probably whoever the best most celebrated midfielder/winger/striker joining in a summer’s time. And the summer after that. This is assuming that they’re done shopping for now, which there is no real reason to do.

Manchester United, on the other hand, have a space available on the right wing since a certain player moved on. There is a recent tendency for United to develop players rather than to buy top stars in their prime - one example is that man again, Cristiano Ronaldo. And he’s only really moving down the road from Wigan to Manchester.

There’s no logic in being a fairly well-known but non-luminary attacking footballer and trying to cut it at Real Madrid - it doesn’t work that way. Being on a non-EU passport won’t help either; Spanish football limits teams to three such players, making it more likely that Valencia would be sidelined before he knew it for an Brazilian wonderkid.  And from the sounds of it, Valencia should consider himself lucky to have a choice at all, given the words of Whelan:

‘It’s no good me saying he is going to Manchester United because he is the boss and we’ll be listening to what he says. We have had offers that are acceptable to Wigan Athletic, around the £14-18 million mark but what we will finish up with eventually I don’t know.’

If we were a Chairman and an offer came in for a player we didn’t need to sell for £14m, and another had come in for £18m, there’d be no obvious reason to accept the £14m one. It’s £4m less than £18m.

So, Antonio Valencia, replace Cristiano Ronaldo at Old Trafford, or replace him for the last 10 minutes at the Bernabeu whenever he needs a break. The choice is yours.

Old school Steve Bruce - Photo Oyvind Vik CCA

After Steve Bruce joined Sunderland there was plenty of talk about money and opportunities, the likes of which he would not have had at Wigan. For one thing, as the Telegraph suggested amongst others, there was a potential budget of around £50m. Exciting times ahead for Sunderland, exciting times ahead for Steve Bruce, and exciting times ahead, one would have thought, for the journalists who could plausibly link the club to a host of players rated around £10m and above.

So why did nobody tell the News of the World of this development? Bruce duly took the job, and their first Bruce rumour came on June 6th in the form of Wigan defender Titus Bramble:

STEVE BRUCE plans to shock Sunderland fans with a swift surprise signing.

The new Stadium of Light boss is making former Newcastle centre-back Titus Bramble his first target. That will be a huge blow for Wigan, where Bruce succeeded in transforming Bramble’s fortunes while at the JJB Stadium.

The defender eradicated the clangers that had marked so much of his career to such a degree that last season he became Wigan skipper, the fans’ Player of the Year and the players’ Player of the Year.

Bramble is a man on the up, but it’s not the most exciting potential raid on his former club. Perhaps that makes the story more likely to be true - who knows?

Bruce gave a hint that this wasn’t the sort of direction in which he was looking, however, in some quotes feasted on in all the papers on June 10th:

‘I haven’t had a conversation about how much money there is available, but I have spoken to the owner and he doesn’t want to be involved at the bottom [of the Premier League] again. He did say he will back me.

‘I have always been good value for money in the transfer market, and I will always try to be. But I’m looking at players I have never looked at before.

‘It’s like shopping in Harrods now, not Tesco. I don’t have specific targets just yet, but I do have one or two ideas up my sleeve.’

So straight from the horse’s mouth, then, you have the suggestion from the manager that the idea is to look at classy, more-established types of players, ones he has ‘never looked at before’ . We love the statement that he doesn’t know what his transfer budget is - Steve, either you’re lying or that is a staggering attitude to taking a new job - but with that soundbite about Harrod’s, you can’t help but feel that the likes of Bramble might be thought of as more of a Tesco kind of player.

For that reason, we were rather surprised with the News of the World’s scoop today about Bruce’s latest transfer target:

EX-NEWCASTLE striker Lomana LuaLua could make a back-flipping return to the Premier League - with a shock move to their bitter North East rivals Sunderland.

The Black Cats’ new boss Steve Bruce is a long-time admirer of LuaLua, 28. And he wants the DR Congo captain to be one of his first signings as he rebuilds at the Stadium of Light.

LuaLua scored just five goals in 59 games for the Toon before moving to Portsmouth and then on to Greek side Olympiakos in August 2007.

He has spent the past year with Qatar side Al-Arabi and said: “I loved my time in the North East. I’d love to play again in the Premier League.”

Admittedly, the idea of a “back-flipping return” is one we’d like to see, but if a 28 year-old striker who scored 5 from 59 with Newcastle before spending his last year in the footballing stronghold of Qatar is Bruce’s idea of shopping at Harrods, we’d raise an eyebrow. We might even accuse Bruce of back-flipping on his chat on the 10th, if you’ll forgive the turn of phrase. Why are the News of the World going with such low-level rumours given that Bruce has effectively given them carte blanche to be more creative?

And look at it again. There’s no actual evidence for Bruce’s interest - but there is a line from LuaLua (so good they named him twice) about his desire to play Premier League football having enjoyed his time at Newcastle. Does this article exist purely because of LuaLua’s line and the fact that links to Boro and Newcastle wouldn’t tick the Premier League box?

Mido - the model professional - Photo Mattythewhite CCSA3

Steve Bruce has been pushed to the edge by the failure of Amr Zaki to turn up for Wigan duty after his time with the Egyptian national team, and it sparks an interesting question of what professionalism is to the team up at the JJB Stadium. Bruce, whose outburst came last night, was reported by the BBC as saying:

“I can honestly say that in all my time in football I have never worked with someone as unprofessional,” said Bruce. Zaki made a stunning start to his Wigan career but has struggled over the past few months and Mido believes he must learn to be consistent.

“In Zaki’s case it really defies belief from a player who is on loan and trying to earn himself a long-term contract.”

Is there an argument that telling tales in public about one of your employees like this counts as being unprofessional? Maybe. Bruce’s logical counter that Zaki started it - which is true, if quite playgroundesque. However, despite the feeling that Bruce airing these views might not be the pinnacle of professionalism, it would take a hard heart not to sympathise with his point.

Perhaps Zaki is nursing his ego this week since this was not the first incident in the past few days that he has been the victim of some abuse. Mido, fellow Egyptian squad member has suggested that Zaki was responsible for some malicious rumour-mongering about his loyalty to the team - here’s the Sky Sport News report: 

“There were reports after the game that I protested against the coach’s decision to keep me on the bench, which is totally untrue,” Mido told FilGoal.

“I was even more shocked to learn that one of my teammates was responsible for spreading the false rumour, with the help of his agent.

“Zaki and his agent came up with that baseless story.”

Nice. With friends like that, as they say, who needs enemies? Still, Mido’s word has not always been completely reliable, as we’ve had reason to mention in the past. We’re just pleased that he has some good, solid advice for his colleague: 

“I just want to tell him that success in Europe is not realised by playing well for a few months and scoring some goals,” said the former Middlesbrough and Tottenham man.

“I have been in Europe for several years now and I have scored about 70 goals at the highest levels. I think that these rubbish claims do not match my standard.”

Must learn to be consistent? Pot. Kettle. Black. Accusations abound.

Isn’t the point the Mido does play well for a few months, scores some goals, then stops playing well, stops scoring goals, gets fat, and get loaned and/or sold for being inconsistent. 13 in 36 for Spurs on loan over 18 months followed by 1 in 12 Premier League games after signing permanently.

63 goals in the league, and if we rule out KAA Gent in the Belgian League for not being ‘the highest levels’ of European football, that makes 52. The highest level probably being Roma where he would have played Serie A and Champions League football and scored 0 in 8.

In the last 3 seasons in the Premier League he’s scored 8 goals in 40 games. This season Zaki has scored 10 in 25.

Mido, lest we forget, is not only Amr Zaki’s teammate for Egypt, but also at Wigan. So that should be fun. Perhaps they can do extra training sessions together from now on:

MIDO is winning his battle of the bulge after volunteering for double training shifts.

Wigan’s Egyptian striker, 26, has always had to fight the flab — but boss Steve Bruce reckons he will soon be a lean, mean machine.

And it has already paid dividends as he has ousted fellow countryman Amir Zaki from Wigan’s starting line-up.

Bruce said: “Mido has been a breath of fresh air in the way he has been doing the extra training himself.

“He has been doing intensive extra sessions and the idea for that came from Mido himself.

“In the past, he has been criticised but his problem is he missed chunks of the season and lost his fitness.

“He is one of those who needs to be worked and toned to the bone as he is such a big, powerful boy. It’s great he wants to do that.”

Ho-hum. We hope it lasts for Mido, but you do have to wonder why everyone else manages to stay in shape without these extra sessions. Especially with such a consistent and professional track record.